Thursday, July 7, 2016

Break Ups (Relationships)

Growing up, you'll meet a lot of people and possibly fall in love with a few and start a relationship with them. Sometimes though relationships just don't work out; it may be one-sided or it might be a mutual breakup. I'm just 25 years old but I have been through more than just one break-up.

I didn't have my first relationship until I was in my early 20's and it has been a few years so I don't remember his exact age, however I want to say he was 26. Since that was my first relationship, that breakup was hard as he just texted me during the day and broke things off that way. I felt like he didn't care that much about me as he just thought "Oh, I'll send her a text and break up with her". We were together for not even two month; I want to say a month and a half. His "reasoning" (well excuse) for breaking up was that I wasn't communicating with him like he wanted me to. The real reason was that I wouldn't do something with him so he got upset and put the break up blame on me. He asked me to hang out again and I agreed but I didn't get the happy feeling like I wanted to get back together with him, so I texted him saying I didn't think this will work out and kind of just ended things there. He then caught me hanging out with my following boyfriend and screamed at me and had me so close up against the wall that if he would have pushed me, I would have smashed my head. He was screaming at me asking me what I wanted. I screamed back at him and said “You know what I want? I want you to leave me alone". Soon after, I started receiving texts and Facebook messages from his mom and sister in law being abusive towards me. Since that night, I haven't had any communication with him although I know that he got married.

My next relationship wasn't the greatest either towards the end. We were together for almost 3 years and were engaged but he broke off the engagement earlier in the year that we were supposed to get married. During those (almost) three years, there were more than just a few breaks but I really loved him so I stayed with him. Thinking back, I don't know why I stayed with him as he was abusive towards me. He made me eat a frozen Hershey bar and that's sadly what happened to 2 of my front teeth, he pushed me and I fell onto the computer chair and also slammed one of my feet in a door making it all black and blue.  One night he told me that he was done so I went to his mom and told her that I'm done and that I was leaving. That night I went back to my mom's apartment. That break-up made me a mess. He wouldn't talk to me and he had his sister do everything which I think he should have dealt with everything because he was the one in the relationship, not her.  His family was the abusive type too towards me even though I wasn't the reason for the break-up. I later learned that he was talking to someone else behind my back and they soon started a relationship. He has tried to contact me a few times since then but I don't really want to talk to him so I just block him.

My third break-up was the first break-up that I have done. I saw on Facebook that he was adding girls who honestly look like porn stars so I texted him and asked him about it. His response was "What will happen if I remain friends with them?" Since we were not near one another and I had no way to get to him, I texted him and told him that I think we should break-up. His replied was "Okay, if that's what you want.” making it seemed like he didn't really care about me. I soon got the thought that he only wanted me for sex.

My most recent breakup was a mutual/one sided break up. We were at his house and earlier in the day he asked me how I thought the relationship was going and I said "Good". Later that night I brought up the question and asked him and he had the opposite feeling that I had which I felt like it was coming as we didn't cuddle or he wasn't kissing me like normal. I then asked for a second chance which I was given. That was early Sunday morning and from Monday to early Friday morning there was no communication from him which I knew then that this wasn't going to work out as I feel like if you're in a relationship you want to talk to that person as much as you can (text, in person, on the phone, Skype, etc.). I sent him a message saying that I wanted to have a chat. On Friday night, we ended things and agreed to remain as friends which honestly is a little different for me as I'm not friends with any of my other ex's, although they all abused me in one way or another and he never abused me.

To be honest, I try to be happy and I know God has someone out there for me but it hurts seeing friends and family in relationships, getting married and starting a family.  I know that my time will come and I'll meet my future husband/father of my children and that God isn't making me go through all of my break ups for no reason. He's just showing me the guys that I shouldn't have a future with and that's my dream guy is still out there looking for me.

<3 Amanda 

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